Why is hopscotch named as such? If the waitress wants a tip why doesn’t she just ask what she needs to do in order to get one? Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. Is Last Weeks Top Question, 2 Organic Weed Killer Recipes That Kick Ass, How To Stop Smoking Weed Even If You Don’t Want To, Best Way To Shave Your Head Bald: 12 Tips You Need To Know, A Fortnite Name Change? THANK GOODNESS. Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table? Would a crocodile snap at a snapping turtle? Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”, “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”, “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”, “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”, “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”, “It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.”, “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”, “Everyone has a purpose in life. —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. 3. Would love your thoughts, please comment. Very nice collections of quotes I liked it very much so thanks for sharing very positive motivational quotes and keep posting. Where would you put it?”, “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what? Be careful with the meaning unless you want to end up as John F. Kennedy who, while trying his hands (or should it be tongue?) It is a simple philosophy." When not working on KIM, he enjoys traveling, poker, and anything related to crypto. And life is a little weird. We also get your email address to automatically create an account for you in our website. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.”, “Age is just a number. Diana Fiel. “Man has his will, but woman has her way.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” – Redd Foxx, “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield, “Folks, I don’t trust children. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.”, “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.”, “Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.”, “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Mark Twain. I told you seventeen times.”, On an elevator, ask someone, “Are you here for the dog food tasting?”, Offer someone a piece of gum and say, “It’s not what you think.”, When someone asks a favor, say, “After all these years, am I still beholden to you?”, When someone asks the time, say, “Time for a piece of porcupine piñata.”. Where to Sell Comic Books And Make Bank Doing It Yo!!! We’re glad you found them helpful! If you relieve yourself in the bathroom can you also relieve yourself by eating? It is hitting below the intellect.”, “A camel is a horse designed by a committee.”, “Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.”, “The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.”, “To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.”, “I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.”, “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. – Ann Landers. I’m barely for me.” – Marc Maron, “A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.” – Milton Berle. Life is supposed to be an erratic wave function, which the wise people have interpreted as a phenomenon with a lot of “ups and downs”, and funny and witty sayings do help in … Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? 48 Funny Birthday Quotes, Sayings… What happens to the plastic when you have plastic surgery? Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”, “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. We’ve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Thank you so much for all the jokes! InspiroBot™ runs on Ethereum. Whether you're a high school student or adult learner, these funny Spanish sayings will tickle your fancy and allow you to speak with greater colloquial understanding. Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers? It is already tomorrow in Australia.”, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”, “Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”, “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”, “If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”, “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. Keep Inspiring Me. Birthday. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”, “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. If you are driving down the road and pass a field with hay bales laying in it, point at the field and yell “Hey”. If you name your daughter Angel, aren’t you afraid she will fly away? “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors … Funny, witty, and wise. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”, “If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.”, “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”, “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”, “All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.”, “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”, “We’re all a little weird. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”, “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”, “If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”, “Crocodiles are easy. Very witty type of awakening into the reality of life. All Rights Reserved. Invariably they are both disappointed.”, “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”, “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”, “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”, “It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”, “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”, “At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. Why is a roller-coaster called such when it doesn’t roll and it doesn’t coast? Yeah We Can Help With 3 Quick Tips…. Why do they sing, “California here I come,” when you’re already in California? Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”, “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. The warthogs have outdone us all.”, When asked how you are, say, “Up an anthill with a butter knife and a bowl of soup.”, Send a work colleague an email that only says, “I regret to inform you that you are no longer welcome at The Knights Of The Twisted Knee.”, Ask your boss for time off for “cake bereavement.”, When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, “Hey, you. Thanks for the great selection of quotes, I needed to find my sense of humor after losing it. Raise my hand.”, “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”, “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”, “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”, “Light travels faster than sound. Best collection by just about any criteria I’ve found. Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie and his dog Oban. But I think there should be a 'stab' button... 2.was riding a horse yesterday and fell off. Here are some unique and funny random things to say in a text or conversation. LOL. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”, “Be careful about reading health books. Funny Phrasings: 17 Common German Sayings That Are Hilarious in English 1. So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. Simply press one of the generation buttons below. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”, “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”, “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”, “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”, “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”, “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”, “Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!”, “I was married by a judge. Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong? + 2. Oct 17, 2019 - Explore Ginny curtis's board "Random Funny Quotes" on Pinterest. Depression is when you lose yours.”, “Have no fear of perfection. I read them all, and went from a bad mood to a good mood. "I have always believed that each man makes his own happiness and is responsible for his own problems. We even got one of voice actresses Ray Kroc, Grinding It Out Words of Encouragement What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and you’re on an airplane? Kids know what both cats and dogs are from an early age so they can understand it's not literally raining cats and dogs, and it's just raining really hard. Thanks! Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts Fashion & Style Love and Romance Gaming Hobbies Activities He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. Just like everyone else.”, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. Now quiet! They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”, “To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”, “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”, “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”, “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”, “Don’t cry because it’s over. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul.eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3','ezslot_2',182,'0','0'])); Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. – Ann Landers. Here is a list of funny phrases and sayings in German along with their meanings in English. Really amazing quotes! Why don’t we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC? From “smoking your socks” to “being in the wind”, here are 49 funny Norwegian sayings translated from Norwegian into English, that’ll make you giggle. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard, “You’re only as good as your last haircut.” – Fran Lebowitz, “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” – George Carlin, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx, “All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover, “Avoid fruits and nuts. I have erased this line.”, “What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.”, “Always borrow money from a pessimist. You are what you eat.” – Jim Davis, “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” – John Wayne, “Life is hard. I’ve been putting him to shame recently, thanks to your hard work! “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. While the French did indeed produce some of the greatest writers, natives don’t necessarily speak like the characters in novels. The first player then goes on to state what the actual word or phrase was. '”, “Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. https://www.bergeronknows.com/lists/20-funny-random-things-to-say Thanks for all those hilarious quotes. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”, “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”, “The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”, “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”, “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. If make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together? I should have asked for a jury.”, “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”, “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”, “A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.”, “The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”, “It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.”, “It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”, “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.”, “Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”, “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”, “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”, “If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”, “You tried your best and you failed miserably. Please see our disclosure for more info. Hey, Thanks for this post. If you enjoy having fun then this list is for you. Related Articles. We’re only one God away from total agreement.”, “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.”, “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”, “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”, “My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. But lets be honest they trash the house, drink all the milk in the place, cry the place down all night and anyway…they smell ! Why aren’t shorts half the price of pants? But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”, “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”, “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”, “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. :)#AuntieBangit #AddoSelga #Ilocano There's no reason not to have fun with Spanish. Really it was too funny quotes for make me laugh. But once you say them out loud, you’ll quickly realize just how hilarious they actually are. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, minions funny. What's an idiom for kids? Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have. How can you scoot along if you don’t have a scooter? Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. “A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.”. “[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.” ~ Groucho Marx. Funny quotes Random quotes I remember watching Gilda Radner when I was a kid and everyone thought she was so funny and no one ever said that she was a funny woman, she was just funny. These names don’t seem funny at first glance. Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? It burns a lot of calories.”, “The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.”, “Americans are incredibly inpatient. If laughter is good for the soul what is the soul good for? You’ll never reach it.”, “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”, “I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife)… but still my own.”, “The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.”, “Children today are tyrants. Funny Quotes From Famous People Fame and wit make for a hilarious combination. Just text someone a random word and see what happens. Don't go there. ?? Go into a pet store and ask them if they have sloths for sale. There is no cure for curiosity.”, “Never doubt the courage of the French. The almost-never-happeneds. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”, “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”, “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”, “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”, “Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”, “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”, “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”, “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”, “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”, “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”, “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”, “Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”, “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”, “But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
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